Emptiness

I'm in shock. I have no idea how the last three days went by. I practically haven't touched work, and I can't figure out how I spent those hours in the office.

Everything seems more vivid, and yet blurred at the same time. The sights and sounds of the city seem brighter and clearer, and yet more distant. The experiences beckon to me, and yet even if I have them now they will be incomplete. The dreams seem closer, and yet more out of reach.

There is an emptiness inside me, an infinite void.

However, there is also cautious optimism. The anguish will pass, the mind will be still once more, and I will come out of this experience stronger, happier and more mature. And so will she. Hopefully we will be better individuals, and better together.

***

My feelings of despair and delight are quite well represented by this beautiful music: 

Logic and Emotion

How do I put it. Have you ever had that feeling when you know exactly what you want to do, exactly where you want to be, and even have a vague idea of how to get there? Sometimes I have these lucid moments in the middle of the humdrum of daily life. Moments when I can actually think, actually see. Even though these moments are short lived and I can't seem to remember the last time I completed my thought process all the way through, I often strongly decide that I want to do something. However, these moments are so fleeting that I would normally forget about them before the day was done.

Life is simple, yet complicated. If you think about anything logically, taking into consideration only those factors which would make sense in an ideal world, deciding upon a course of action isn't that difficult. But the world is not ideal, and lets not start on that topic. Even if you do manage to think logically, thinking is not doing. The human condition comes in the way. 

noteToSelf = "I wish I could just turn off the human condition and follow logic. I have a hunch it would lead to great things";

postScript = "I've been oscillating between unbearable dejection, apathy, escapism, white hot rage and rare (aforementioned) moments of lucidity these past few days. Again, I wish I could just turn humanity off and actually do what makes sense. Alas.";