Guilt and Innocence

Why is it so easy to do things that make you feel guilty, and yet so difficult to do things that you know are right? It is not difficult to live life without really thinking about what you're doing. It is not difficult to project an illusion of success, to even believe the illusion yourself. But unless you're truly satisfied with your life[1], there's always that thing gnawing at the back of your mind which tries to force you to think, to figure yourself out. And if you actually pause and think for two seconds, it's not difficult to see your life come crumbling down in front of you. 

Whenever I take the two seconds to think, it is somewhat clear to me what I should do to get where I want to be. It's the doing it that's difficult. Even though I know something will make better, more competent, even if it is something as simple as taking a walk each morning or being true to my work, I just can't seem to get myself to do it. It takes a monumental effort to even take one step in the right direction. Yet it is so easy to take a million steps in the wrong one. 

I am always running away.

Is it just me?

---

Note to Self: Be strong. Keep fighting. And keep thinking.

---

 [1] The only way you can be truly satisfied is if you're truly successful and have achieved all you wanted to in life, or if you're a complete idiot. And in either case, you don't give a damn what the world thinks.