I never thought I could be like this again. So into one person, so dependent on them that my mood from one moment to the next depends upon them. Let's be clear on one thing: I'm straight and we're talking about a "her" :P.

After my initial tryst with the world of "love" and "relationships", I thought that I had changed for good. I thought that I had become a better person. I believed that even if I did get emotionally close to someone, I would be mature enough to keep it healthy. In short, I thought that I had grown up. Apparently I was mistaken.

Don't get me wrong, I had changed. I was not easily bothered by the mundane day-to-day things that generally bother people and interpersonal relationships hardly affected me. You could say that I had become cold. Not ice-cold, but definitely cold. Yes, there were days when I felt horrible. There were certain periods when these days came by quite often. But mostly the reasons were right. And until quite recently my mood was mostly stable.

You should see my mood swings now. They're spectacular. One moment I'm happy, the very next I'm inexplicably sad, as if I've lost my very spirit. I get irked because she does something I don't particularly like, and I end up giving her a hard time about it even though I don't mean to. Sometimes she's just plain weird. Sometimes I'm just plain weird. Of course there are the tremendously happy and satisfying moments too, especially when we actually meet. And the normal times, when we give each other virtual company most waking hours of the day. But the point is my psyche is not very stable, and I hate that fact.

I really like her. That is something I'm ready to state without any qualms. Let's leave it at that.