Little Friends

I made a lot of new friends in the past few days. And a lot of little friends too. I hope I make more friends, both big and little, even though I'm not a socializing kind of person.

PS: I was reflecting on how my emotions sort of just switch off once I've left home. I love my independence. I have to figure out how to control them when they do threaten to get out of hand. You wouldn't notice either way in any case though :P.

Sometimes I just feel so vulnerable. I think about how easily things can go wrong. How easily I can take a wrong turn and end up dead (I know it got a bit too theatrical, but you know what I mean).

So I've arrived in B. I've left home and taken my first real step towards being a grown up. And remarkably, that horrible feeling I've been talking about is all but gone. For now, at least.

I join my new job tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Winds of Change

There's one thing about myself which I know without a shadow of a doubt. I'm a "status quo" kind of guy. I'm usually okay with the way things are going. And I'm shit scared of change, especially if it's sudden.

Unfortunately most major changes in life are sudden. They may be planned, but they're still sudden.

Things have been changing ever since I left home for the first time and went to college. But now I'm staring at the biggest changes so far in my young life. I'm starting a new job, moving to a new city. I'll also be travelling out of the country for some time. Also, I'm about to leave the fortunes of a certain project I'd been working on with friends to powers higher than myself. I'm also going away from her, and I have no way to know if she'll follow me.

I've been saying this about every vacation I've had for the past year: This is the last time I'll get to spend so much time at home. Now it's finally true. Today is the last day I spend at home as a kid. Tomorrow I go out into the big bad world and fend for myself. No wonder when my mom was coaxing me out of sleep this morning, I mumbled to her "Mom, please keep me at home only."

That horrible feeling I mentioned here, I have it again today.

Winds of change are blowing.

PS: Not to take away the positive things about change. I'm embarking on a new adventure. I know I'm going where I want to go, at the moment. Both physically and professionally. And I firmly believe times of major change are the easiest times to work on oneself. But that doesn't change how I feel about it.

WTF #1

I give her hell about stuff I shouldn't give her hell about. Stuff which is no one's fault really.

Am I wrong?
Yes. Sometimes, not always.

Do I realize it when I'm wrong?
If I spend a minute thinking about it, yes. In the normal course, not immediately. The problem is once I get upset over something it can only get worse. I tend to get confrontational and give her hell. Even if I realize that it's not worth it, it takes a lot of effort to pull out of an argument.

Am I pushing her away, despite having no intention of doing so?
Million Dollar Question!

Have you ever had that feeling? That horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. When you know something's wrong, but can't quite point your finger at it. When little things irritate you and you're ready to throw temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. When you feel immeasurable sadness, when you feel like breaking down and crying your heart out.

I had that feeling today. It seems to have subsided a little, though.

Say Ooh Ah Cantona!

The fortunes of Manchester United hold the power to affect me almost physically. There is no way I won't be ecstatic after a significant victory and there is no way I won't be borderline depressed after a significant loss.

Watching well made videos about past and forthcoming glories always makes my hair stand on end with excitement. Maybe I should use these videos for therapy, like some people use chocolate :P.

King Eric is my latest obsession. What a player! What flamboyance, style and sheer ability! Once, he kung-fu kicked a mouthy Crystal Palace fan who had it coming, and later told the reporters "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea." He recently admitted that the kick was "a great feeling", and he was happy that it was treasured by his fans. Beat that :P.

United would surely have raped Barcelona if he was still playing. Long Live the King! GGMU!

Here's a video which will probably explain the title of the post. Go die if it doesn't make you feel alive. (I'm talking about the chant. Imagine people chanting like that for you)

PS: The next week will be a lot more interesting than I'd hoped :).

Old Friends :)

There are a very few people I can talk to freely, without many worries. D is one such person. One of the things I admire the most about him is how he is not afraid to say what he feels. To your face. Also he is the same with guys and girls (minus the obscene language bit of course), which is very very rare. I just hope he has the courage to chase his dreams and doesn't end up behind a desk doing something he doesn't really like for too long.

Which reminds me, I need to figure out what I want to do in life.

PS: Hawk had an amazing time with her today. They were very bold. And they've both decided not to be weird for the time being. Fun!

(You know who I'm talking about, I just haven't come up with a fitting alias yet :P)